Random joke from this category
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.
"What's this," she asked.
"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
What is a man's idea of safe sex?
→ A padded headboard.
Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
TOP 10 McGreevey jokes....
Why are women such bad drivers?
→ Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.
A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...' The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'
Little Johnny walks into his mother's room and catches her topless.
Mommy, Mommy, what are those? He says pointing to her breasts.
Well, son, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!
What do you mean? Says his mother.
Well, she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!
This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
Little Johnny was in class again.
Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand.
"The sky is definitely blue." "Thats not bad,Meg," says the teacher, "but the sky can be grey or red." Young Sally tried :"The grass is definitely green." "Good try Sally,but grass can be yellow or brown too!" Suddenly Little Johnny's hand shoots up.
"Miss Brown does a fart have lumps?" The teacher was horrified.
"No of course not Johnny! What are you talking about?" So Johnny says,"Well then Miss brown, I've definitely shit my pants!"
How do you catch an elephant?
→ First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take a load of peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!
