Random joke from this category
The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."
The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to fuck, mother," the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!"
What's the best thing to come out of a penis?
→ The wrinkles!
Why do men become smarter during sex?
→ Because they are plugged into a genius.
This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests.
"Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test," the doctor said.
The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, "Are you alright?"
"No" the old man said. "This just isn't going to work." he dejectedly explained. "There's no hope for me, I've worn out my left hand, I've worn out my right hand, I've run cold water over it, and I've run hot water over it. I've even thumped it on the edge of the sink.
But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!"
Sam arrived home from work early one afternoon only to surprise his wife busily engaged with a midget in bed.
After chasing the rogue away, Sam liberally expressed his dismay to his wayward spouse. "I just don't know what to do with you!" he said, shaking his head.
"We've talked about this over and over. We've spent hours with the marriage counselor. I was really starting to believe that I could trust you again."
"I know, I know..." acknowledged the wife contritely. "But at least I'm cutting back!"
What do men and sperm have in common?
→ They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
→ Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
What's organic dental floss?
→ Pubic hair!
What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
→ He is usually home with the kids!
What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
→ A know-it-all bitch.
