Random joke from this category
An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk-rocker gets on. The punkrocker's hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.
When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says "What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?"
The old guy says in reply "Yeah. One time I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid. . ."
What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
→ She can't say "No".
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.
"Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."
"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the hell are you?!" the man asks.
"I'm from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise, and says... "Those little bastards!"
Kelly limps into his favorite pub...
"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley," whispered Kelly to the beertender.
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right tit." Kelly said.
"And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
- What's an orgasm, mom?
- I don't know, dear...ask your father.
What's the difference between a mans paycheck and his dick?
→ He can always find a girl to blow his paycheck!
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a twenty-year-old.
"So, did you do it?" his lawyer asked.
"Of course not," the old man replied. "But I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty."
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stops by his office.
As she walks in unannounced, she finds his secretary sitting on his lap.
Without hesitating, he begins to dictate a letter... "And in conclusion gentlemen, budget cut or not, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
The following phrase:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA
can be rearranged (with no letters left over, and using each letter only once) into:
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Coincidence? I think not!
