Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did one Lesbian frog say to the other Lesbian frog?
→ You know what...we DO taste like chicken!

What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?
→ One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

Why are blondes like corn flakes?
→ Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

This kid walks into the pharmacy:

- I've a hot date tonight, a sure thing, and my buddies said you could fix me up for it.

- What do you want?

- Well, it's a hot date, man. A sure thing? You know...

- What do you want?

- I need some protection, alright??!?!

- What size?

- Size? I dunno... Whatever is considered average I guess.

- That'll be $2.35 including tax.

- Tacks?! Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
    But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
11. Our love will never become cold and hollow
    Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
12. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
    In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
13. This feels so good, it feels so right
    I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
14. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
    Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
15. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
    But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
16. Through all the things that came to pass
    Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
17. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
    I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
18. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
    So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
19. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
    you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
→ They are both substitute meats.

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

"Why are you laughing?" Asked the nun.

"Oh, It's nothing." said the cabby.

"No, really." said the nun "I won't mind."

So the Cabby told her: "Well, It's really silly but I've always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun."

"Well then, whats your name?" The nun asked.

"Robert"

"Are you married?"

"No."

"Are you christian?"

"Yes."

"Then Pull into the next alley."

The cabby was stunned. but he didn't want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" asked the nun.

"I'm sorry, I've lied."

"How so?"

"Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I'm Jewish."

"Well, I've done a bit of lying too..." smiled the nun "My name is George and I'm going to a costume party."

Why do blondes wear underwear?
→ They make good ankle warmers.

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island and had already been there for awhile.

One morning the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled - "Stop fucking her down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" asked the husband after the sailor came back down. "We weren't doing anything."

"Sorry," said the sailor. "from up there it looked like you were."

Every morning after that, the sailor scaled the small tree and yelled the same thing. Finally, the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

"By golly, he's right," said the husband. "It DOES look like they're fucking down there!"