Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
→ They both get easier to pick-up with age.

What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
→ I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
→ Almond Joy candy bar

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?"
Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
The little boy answered no.
Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."
A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no, again.
Grandpa said, "Then your not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the house With a cookie.
Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"
The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied, "Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."

Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it's other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream.
The next day the meet.

The Italian says, "I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."

The German says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that."

The Greek says, "That's nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."

The Joys of Horse-riding by Jim Kama

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
→ A hooker can clean her crack and resell it the next day.

What is the difference between the Titantic and Bill Clinton?
→ They know how many people went down on the Titantic!!

There was this boy that lived with his mother.

One night the boy woke up and went to the restroom and on his way he passed his mothers room and looked in and saw his mom rubbing her breasts and saying "I NEED A MAN". Then he went to bed.

The next night the same thing happened, she was there rubbing her breasts and saying "I NEED A MAN".

On the third night the woman had a man in bed with her when the son looked in.

Right away the boy went to his room and stood in front of the mirror rubbing hiself and saying....

"I NEED A BIKE"..........

What is a bellybutton for?
→ It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.