- Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy.
- I won't come in your mouth, I promise.
- I'm not really married.
- It's only a cold sore.
- Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality.
- Size isn't important.
- This won't hurt, I promise.
- We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other.
- We'll always be together.
- A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
- A man in the house is worth two in the street.
- A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
- A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
- Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
- All the good ones are taken.
- Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
- Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
- Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant
- Do it only with the best.
- Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
- Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
- Fornication: Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
- If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
- If the person isn't taken, there's a reason (corollary to the above law).
- If you can't stand his mother and he can't stand yours, then you're bound to get married.
- If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
- If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don't trust him; it means he experiments.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
- It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
- Love comes in spurts.
- Love is a hole in the heart.
- Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
- Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.
- Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- Love thy neighbor, but don't get caught.
- Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
- Never argue with a women when she's tired, or rested.
- Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
- Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
- Never say no.
- Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
- Nice guys finish last.
- No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
- No sex with anyone in the same office.
- Nobody is ugly after 2 A.M.
- Nothing improves with age.
- One good turn gets most of the blankets.
- People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else.
- Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
- Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
- Sex has no calories.
- Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
- Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
- Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
- Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
- Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
- Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; then on Sunday, pray for crop failure.
- The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
- The best things in the world are free, and worth every penny of it.
- The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
- The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
- The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of yourself in person.
- The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
- The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
- The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
- The younger the better.
- There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
- There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
- There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
- Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless in the mood.
- Virginity can be cured.
- What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
- When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him, and vice versa...
- When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
- You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
- You will always fall in love and marry someone with the opposite body temperature.
and Murphy's number one law on love and sex: Don't fuck with Mrs. Murphy!!!!
