Random joke from this category
Harry approached a prostitute and asked:
- How much for a blow job?
- Hundred Bucks.
- OK - he said and began to jerk off.
- What the hell are you doing that for?
- For hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy one, do you?
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from her.
The doctor suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead.
The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies:
- She choked.
Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to:
And the number one camp not to send your kid to:
TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET10. Does this come in children's sizes?9. No thanks, just sniffing8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind7. Mom will love this6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here4. Will you model this for me?3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!
And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!
An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other's values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other's company.
After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little.
- Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but... How's your health?
- It's OK - he answers.
- I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life.
- Well, then - she replies.
- I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself: how are you fixed financially?
- So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you; I can support myself.
The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain:
- And how's your sex life....
- Infrequently - he declares.
The widow ponders this for a moment or so, before asking:
- And is that one word or two?
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said:
- Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?
What's another name for pickled bread?
→ Dill-dough.
Why are men like laxatives?
→ They irritate the shit out of you.
What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex?
→ Call her/him on the telephone!
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
→ They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
