Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why are Blondes like railroad tracks?
→ Because they are famous for getting laid all over the world!!!

It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.

- What would you like to do next? - he asked.

- I wanna be weighed - she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed.

- One-twelve - said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right.

Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

- I wanna be weighed - she said.

I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home.
The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked:

- What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?

- Wousy - said the girl.

What is total agony?
→ A one-armed man hanging from a twenty story building, with a serious case of jock itch.

1. You've got a hole in your head.
2. Your master strangles you all the time.
3. Your head is smaller than the rest of you.
4. You shrink in cold water.
5. You never get a haircut.
6. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
7. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
8. Your best friend is a pussy.
9. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
10. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.

What would you do if you had a condum with a hole in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket?
→ I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them.

Do you know why single women can't fart?
→ Because, they don't get assholes untill they get married.

One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.

When one couple arrived he announced:

- Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

As the next couple arrived he announced:

- Tarzan and Jane

and so on as each guest arrived.

Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe.

- Who do you think you are? - demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked:

- How shall I announce you?

The man said:

- I'm premature ejaculation

- I'm very sorry sir - said the doorman in obvious shock.

- I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.

- O.K. - said the professor.

- Just say I came in my pants

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to...to...cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

Two tampons were crossing the street. They see a friend. Which one waves?
→ Neither, they are both stuck up cunts.