Random joke from this category
Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd had the previous night with this bloke she brought home.
- Well, what happened when you got there? - Jill asked.
- The bastard called me a slut! - Mary said.
- And what did you do then? - Jill asked, shocked.
- I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eight mates with him! - Mary said.
Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other.
At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled:
- Wow, unbelievable!
Which woke Ed.
- What's going on?
- I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife.
- How come?
- To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!
After a pause, Ed said:
- Do you want me to come with you?
- Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that? - said Ted.
- Because that's my dick you're holding, - said Ed.
So you think your life is bad...
Just think how bad the life of an egg is...
You only get laid once
You only get eaten once
It takes 4 minutes to get hard and 2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!
An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said:
- But you just got a new pair last month!
- Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident - stammered the private.
- Accident, what kind of an accident?
The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries:
- Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?
- No, no, none of those... - said the private.
- Well then, what is it?
- I'd rather not tell you, sir...
- Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses - said the medical officer, ready to stand up.
- I've to see my patients now.
- No, no sir, wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl - blurted the private.
- Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?
- You see, she crossed her legs.....
The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.
One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said:
- My god, you look so depressed.
She said:
- You bet I am, look what my damn husband sent me... six dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I'm going to have to spend this whole weekend on my back with my legs spread.
- Now that's really silly, why don't you use a vase?
A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"
Why did the skeleton burp?
→ Because it didn't have the guts to fart.
How do you re-sleeve a prostitute?
→ Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out.
