Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

So the elephant says to the naked man...

- You breathe through that little thing?

Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.

The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting:

- One, two three, uhh... one, two three, uhh...

In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf:

- So how was it?

The first dwarf says:

- It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night.

The second dwarf says:

- You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed.

it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its 11:00 at the police station...

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

- billi-jo: wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.

- billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger!! :>

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow shit and dives down toward her.

- Pardon me - he asks, turning on his best charm, ...but is this stool taken?

A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

THE DR. ASKS:

- IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?

THE REDNECK SAYS:

- NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER.

Did you know that the night Santa first met his future wife he uttered the now famous words:

- Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to meet you.

A man calls his family doctor:

- Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit.

- Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help.

- Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her.

A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says "For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.

- Do you have reservations? - asked the desk clerk.

- Only one - replied the groom.

- She won't take it up the ass.

A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, "When did this happen?" She replied, "Last week." The police then asked, "Why did you wait until now to report it?" "Well," she said. "I didn't know that I was assaulted until the check bounced."