Random joke from this category
Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.
They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them.
A nun answered back:
- Well, we could alway eat one.
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality:
- In moments of temptation, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame? - said the speaker to the class.
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask:
- How do you make it last an hour?
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.
- Young lady - the doctor began.
- you're pregnant.
- But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.
- Well my dear - said the doctor.
- someone in that colony is cockeyed.
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king:
- I brought ten apples.
The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.
The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries.
When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked:
- Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?
The second one replied:
- I know, but I couldn't help it. I was doing just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all those watermelons!
What should you give a man who has everything?
→ Penicillin
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked:
- Grandpa, are you going to take that new Viagra?
Grandpa looks at him and says:
- No Johnny, I will not.
- But Grandpa, why? - asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies:
- Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her:
- Do you know what I'm doing?
- Yes - she replied - you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.
- That is right - said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
- Do you know what I'm doing now? - he asked.
- Yes - the woman said - you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer.
- Correct - replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked:
- Do you know what I'm doing now?
- Yes - she said.
- You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.
The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. She continued:
- So me and my cousin were alone in the house, and went up to my bedroom...
The priest said gently:
- Go on, my child.
- I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on my....on my...
- Go on.
- On my pussy - stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen.
- And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself.
- Yes, go on - the priest directed.
- I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall - the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame - and he began to shove it in me so hard...
- Yes, yes... Go on - he urged, breathing hard.
- And then we heard the front door slam--
- Oh, SHIT!!!!
The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw
A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says:
- Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place..
A bit bewildered, the guy answers:
- But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here.
The owner quietly replies:
- Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!
