Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the most insensitive part of a penis?
→ The man.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.

They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.

There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks:

- Are you hurt?

- Of course I'm hurt, he hasn't called! He hasn't written! - she replies.

Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?
→ She blew them both...

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?
→ So they push back harder.

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.

He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

- Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat? - he says.

- That's cool - says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie's father responds:

- why don't you two go out and screw?

I hear all the kids are doing it. Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby - so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

- Yeah - says Carries father:

- Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!

Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

- Dammit Daddy! It's called the twist!

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.

- Father! - she cried.

- just WAIT until you hear this!

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said:

- Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?

- Well, father - the nun began.

- I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!

- A serious infraction, indeed! - said the priest.

- But that's not what has me so excited, father - replied the nun.

- it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!

- What an incredible wager! - exclaimed the priest.

- What did you do?

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?"

Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day?
→ Because they don't want to wear out the donkey.

How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
→ If you sit down before the other guy gets off.

Answering Machine Recording:

- You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......

- Now press the other one.

What is green and eats nuts?
→ Herpes!