Random joke from this category
What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.
Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.
The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married.
As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce ?"
She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."
"Doctor, doctor!" shouted the woman coming into the doctors office. "I think I'm turning into a man."
Then the doctor says, "Now hold on little lady, what makes you think that you're turning into a man?"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm starting to grow hair on my chest."
And then the doctor asked, "Well then, how far down your chest is your hair growing?"
And then she replied, "All the way down to my dick."
What does a blond and a turtle have in common?
→ When they lay on their backs they're screwed!
What's a transvestite's idea of a good time?
→ Eat, drink, and be Mary!
What goes in and out and smells of piss?
→ The Queen Mother
Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.
Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!
Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.
What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
→ A penis gives hours of fun, and a prick owns the penis.
Birth of a Candy Bar It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped...........
Baby Ruth!
What's an Australian kiss?
→ The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!
