Clean Jokes — most viewed jokes

What would you call two banana skins?
→ A pair of slippers.

What do you call a guy who hangs around?
→ Art!

What's red and goes up and down?
→ A tomato in an elevator.

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
→ We have to stick together.

What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
→ Hello, hello.

What do you call a sleeping bull?
→ A bulldoser.

When is a baseball player like a thief?
→ When he steals a base.

What did the can say to the can opener?
→ You make me flip my lid.

What is a volcano?
→ A mountain with the hiccups.

What do you find at the end of everything?
→ The letter "g".

What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
→ He called a toe truck.

Why do two skunks argue?
→ Because they like to kick up a stink.

What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
→ You can count on me.

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
→ Put them in a barking lot.

Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
→ He wanted to be a cool cat.

What did the painter say to the wall?
→ One more crack and I'll plaster you.

Why is baseball like a cake?
→ They both need batters.

What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
→ Take me to your weeder.

What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?
→ Slippers!

What did the rug say to the floor?
→ I've got you covered!

How do you make antifreeze?
→ You steal her blanket.

Why does a cow wear a bell?
→ Because her horns don't work.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
→ A fangster.

When is a parent like a child?
→ When he's a miner.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
→ A bird that will talk you ear off!

- Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath.

- Monster: Why?

- Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.

What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet?
→ Egyptian dummies.

- They're not going to grow bananas any longer.

- Really?

- Why not?

- Because they're long enough already.

One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she asked.
"Oh, same as usual," he replied, "boring."