Christmas Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?

- No you can have turkey like everyone else!

Seasons Greetings by Mary Christmas

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?
→ Santa Clues.

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas?
→ They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
→ Crisp Cringle.

What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?
→ Santa Claws!

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
→ With his North Pole-aroid.

- I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas!

- Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition!

- That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!