Christmas Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?
→ Cross mouse cards!

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?
→ A ghoul Yule!

What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?
→ Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

Conduct During the Holiday Season...

Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.

Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)

Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."

Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.

All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.

Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.

Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.

Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy's wallet.

One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks, "Santa, will you stay with me?"

Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go!

I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"

She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go!

I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"

She takes off everything and asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies, "Hey Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay!

I can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
→ A dependent Claus.

What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
→ Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!