Christmas Jokes — most viewed jokes

What will Santa bring your fish this Christmas?
→ A scale letrix!

You know you're a redneck if you do all of your Christmas shopping at a truck stop!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
→ Elephanta Claus!

What does the bee Santa Claus say?
→ Ho hum hum!

• SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
• MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
• DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
• NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
• MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
• PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
• PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
• OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell....
• BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
• PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me...(and then took it all away).

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."

The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."

The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early sir," replied the defendant.

"Well that's not an crime," said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," answered the prisoner.

How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
→ They all gather around their cash registers and sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."

What do elephants sing at christmas?
→ Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...