Celebrities — most viewed jokes

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.

Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

How many editors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ If we change the light bulb, we'll have to change everything.

Hillary Clinton is not feeling well. She goes to her doctor and gets a complete physical, only to find out that she is pregnant. She is furious and can't believe this has happened.

She calls the White House and gets Bill on the phone, and immediately begins to berate him, screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all of the trouble going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!!!

How could you???!!!

I can't believe this has happened!

I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!!

How could you???

Well, what have you got to say???"

There is nothing but silence on the phone.

She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!!!

She finally hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.

In a barely audible whisper he says, "Who is this?"

Which rabbit was in Western movies?
→ Hopalong Cassidy.

President Ronald Regan told this joke about Fidel Castro:

Castro was addressing a large audience in Cuba, and he began, "They accuse me of intervening in Angola..." and a man going through the audience called out, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

Castro went on: "They say I'm intervening in Mozambique..." and the same loud voice shouted, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

Castro continued: "They say I'm intervening in Nicaragua..." and the voice yelled again, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

By this time Castro was boiling mad and he sputtered, "Bring that man who is shouting 'Peanuts! Popcorn!' to me, and I'll kick him all the way to Miami."

And everybody in the audience started shouting, "Peanuts! Popcorn!"

What is an Actor?
→ A man who tries to be everything but himself

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?
→ Because at last he was in the noose.

What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
→ I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet?
→ To boldly go where no man has been before!

Why do actors like snooker halls?
→ Because that's where they get their best cues.