Celebrities — most viewed jokes

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton had both died on the same night. When they reached the gates of Heaven they were greeted by St. Peter.

St. Peter said "Excuse me ladies, but before I let you in... I must know what you were doing when you died... you see Heaven has become AWFULLY crowded...it's our new policy!" He smiled.

"Well...if you must know... I was standing in front of the mirror examining my boobs..." Dolly Parton said.

"And I was going to the bathroom!" Princess Diana said.

"You may enter into Heaven..." St. Peter held the gate open for Princess Diana to pass through.

"WAIT A MINUTE! How come she gets to go and not me?!" Dolly Parton asked.

"Why...don't you know...a royal flush beats 2 of a kind!" St. Peter exclaimed.

- Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly?

- Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio than on TV.

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
→ He thought he would give him a paunch!

How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?
→ She's the one sleeping with the writer.

Clinton and Gore went to a diner to get a bite to eat.

A good looking waitress comes up and asks, "Can I take your order?"

Clinton says, "Yes, I like a quickie!"

She turns a little red and say, "Sir, in your present state of affairs I don't think you should even be suggesting something like that. I will come back when you are ready to order from the MENU!"

As she walks away Gore leans over and says, "Bill, its pronounced quiche".

How many over eager PA's does it take to screw in a li...
→ Done!

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?"

Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
→ Dingo Starr!

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said:
"God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"

How many screenwriters to make "Titanic" a good movie?
→ One more than they had.