Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION"
→ You'll be making under $6 an hour.

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY"
→ You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY"
→ There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.

"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN"
→ Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
→ We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
→ We have no time to train you. (and/or) Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.

"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER"
→ Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.

"IMMEDIATE OPENING"
→ The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER"
→ We can't supply you with leads; (and/or) there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or) you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

"SELF-MOTIVATED"
→ Don't expect Management to answer questions

"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS"
→ After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.

Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible?
→ Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Which is better, an old ten dollar bill or a new one?
→ An old ten dollar bill is better than a new one.

'I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed.

'Don't worry,' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden?
→ He wanted to raise some hard cash.

A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right next to a scenic vista area popular with tourists. The other monks agreed, and the two put up the stand. One day a tourist who wanted to offer a compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish friar?" "No, sir," retorted the brother, "I'm the chip monk."

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked Arnold.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold. "I've finally got job security!"

• At communion you go back for seconds.
• You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
• You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
• Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
• You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.
• McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.
• American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
• Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
• You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

Where can you always find money?
→ In the dictionary.

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.

'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny.

'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly. 'Here's five more for you.'

At this Johnny howled louder than ever.

'Now what is it?' asked his dad.

'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'