Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why is a cat like a penny?
→ Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.

"It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone voice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills! Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.

Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. "Crap!" exclaimed the pastor.

It took them a week to clean up the church.

- Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery.

- Customer: But it says "Made in Cleveland."

- Salesman: Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?

- Dad, would you like to save some money?

- I certainly would, son.

- Any suggestions?

- Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

Why was the banker bored?
→ Because he lost interest in everything.

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

Why did your sister feed money to her cow?
→ Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'

'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.

That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked,

"Have I got all ye say there?"

The agent said, "Certainly ye have... Why d'ye ask?"

Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."

A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a brunette.
She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes."

She replied, "I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."