Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!"

The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.

The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.

"This is $200," she says.

"I want one that's more sheer," says he.

"This one is $350."

"I want it even more sheer than that."

"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."

"I'll take it!"

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me."

His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not."

So his wife comes down, wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose.

"So, how do you like it?" she says.

"Damn, you'd think for $500, they'd at least iron the damn thing!"

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
→ Because of all the tellers.

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5000. and the interest which is $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us , is why would you bother to borrow $5000?"

The woman replied, "Where else in New York, can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"

- Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

- Doctor: Sell!

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move," said the broker, "it's only $1 a share."

"Buy me 1000 shares," said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares," said the client.

"Great!" said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300. "Too expensive" moans the priest.
The protestant florist - $ 250, "No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small." But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract.
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:
"Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."

How can you make money fast?
→ Glue it to the floor.

What kind of money do fishermen make?
→ Net profits!

While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors.

A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and ask if he were worried.

He replied that he slept like a baby.

He was amazed and asked, "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?"

He said "Yes, that's right. Just like a baby...

I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours!"