Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

"No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine," said the salesman, "I'm selling spectacles."

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left?
→ A million dollars minus 75 cents.

Where do trees keep their money?
→ In branch banks.

One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.'

'Why don't you look for it there?'

'Because the light's better here!'

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves.

The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle God kept.

The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle God kept.

The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw ALL the money into the air, and what God wants, God takes!"

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become -Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become -Polly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become -MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become -Deere Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become -Zip Audi Do Da.

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become -Honey I'm Home.

Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become -Mine All Mine.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become -FED UP.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become - Fairwell Honeychild.

3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become -3 Penney Opera.

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become - Knott NOW!

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way sir." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?"

"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
→ Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?
→ Fiver side!

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."