Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ??
→ She through it out of the window !!

What do you do when two snails have a fight?
→ Leave them to slug it out!

What is a worm's favorite band?
→ Mud!

For all animal lovers out there:

How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
→ Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and...

How do you make a dog go 'miaow'?
→ Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too late; George, dig her out."

What are spiders webs good for?
→ Spiders!

What kind of pole is short and floppy?
→ A tadpole!

What did the spider say to the fly?
→ We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing?

The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off.

She goes bitching to Little Johnny's father. She comes to Little Johnny's house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father:

- Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now....now he's being carnal with a goat in the front yard!

Little Johnny's father goes running out the door yelling:

- Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!

John pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he'd first had sex.

- It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours.

- That sounds wonderful - said Brian.

- Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.

- Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?

- Baaaaaaa.