Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

How many cockroaches does it take to turn on a light?
→ No one knows...when the light comes on they all scatter!

What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun?
→ A killer butterfly!

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

What do you do with a dog with no legs?
→ Take it for a drag.

What makes a glow worm glow?
→ A light meal!

Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them.

The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them. The second man looked at the first, confused, and said:

- What are you doing? Running shoes aren't going to help, you can't outrun that bear.

- I don't need to - said the first man. I just need to outrun you.

Why is there only one Yogi Bear?
→ Because when they tried to make another one, they made a Boo-Boo.

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
→ In the croakroom!

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

- Davy, what noise does a cow make?

- It goes moo.

- Alice, what noise does a cat make?

- It goes meow.

- Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?

- It goes baaa.

- Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?

- Errr.., it goes.. click!

Why did the punk cross the road?
→ Because he was stapled to the chickens back.