Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's a mouse's least favorite record?
→ What's up Pussycat!

What do you call a man with his right hand in a sharks mouth?
→ Lefty.

What has two legs, spots, and bleeds?
→ Half a cheetah.

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?
→ 'cause he was dead...

Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree?
→ 'cause he was dead too...

Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?
→ peer pressure...

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?
→ When it's raining cats and dogs!

Who is king of all the mice?
→ Mouse Tse Tung!

What is the insect's favorite game?
→ Cricket!

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.

Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.

"Are you OK, sir?" asked the stew?

"Yes, I'm fine." said the man.

Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again..

"Are you sure you're alright sir?"

"Yes." said the man, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants."

"Whats wrong?" asked the stew, "Is he not house broken?"

"No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!"

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the horse unnoticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over. She almost loses conscience when the Wal-Mart manager runs out and turns off the horse.

Why don't blind people skydive?
→ It scares the heck out of the dog.