Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of their herd simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says, "I hear they're doing this to women in Chicago!"

A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.

He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.

"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.

"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie style."

"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."

"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."

What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth?
→ An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe!

How do we know that insects are so clever?
→ Because they always know when your eating outside!

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
→ Hop on.

How do eels get around the seabed?
→ They go by octobus.

My dog is a nuisance.
He chases everyone on a bicycle.
What can I do?
→ Take his bike away.

- Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther?

- Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...

- Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do?

- Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"

What's a frogs favorite flower?
→ A croakus!