Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

How do frogs die?
→ They kermit suidide!

- I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf.

- Bullshit, watch this... Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll get the shovel and clean it up!

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote:

- I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said:

- I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?

- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has he been acting like a chicken?

- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

Why did the bat miss the bus?
→ Because he hung around for too long.

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

- Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?

- They're mating, Lucy - he replied.

- What do you call the spider on top Daddy? - Lucy asked.

- Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs.

Lucy asked:

- Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?

Daddy replied:

- No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.

- Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!

What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?
→ It's ass.

There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.

The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could.

Which cat drowned?
→ Un-deux-trois cat sank
(un deux trois quatre cinq)

Whats a frogs favorite game?
→ It's croak-et!

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
→ Because they're wrigleys!