Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
→ If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
→ A mouse organ!

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
→ Light ale!

How do snails get their shells so shiny?
→ They use snail varnish!

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.

For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.

Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. "My new pet elephant," Bill replies solemly.

What did the maggot say to another?
→ What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this!

Where do you find giant snails?
→ At the end of giants fingers!

- Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

- Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
→ Because if they lived by the bay, they would be called baygulls! (baygull-bagel. ha ha ha.)

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.

He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy:

- Did you hear that Fluffy died?

The guy stumbles around and says:

- Um.. er.. no.. what happened?

The neighbor replies:

- We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!