Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
→ A mosquito drops off you when you die!

How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts

What mouse was a Roman emperor?
→ Julius Cheeser!

What is a mosquito's favorite sport?
→ Skin-diving!

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
→ Hard cheese!

A boy and girl octopus out on a date walked down the street arm in arm in arm in arm...

A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old times' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks:

- Why are you doing that?

The old bull answers:

- I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!

Instructions on how to Collect a Beaker of Cat's Urine

1. Treat the beaker like your most prized possession.
2. Solemnly intone the word "no" every time the cat approaches the beaker.
3. After completing steps #1 and #2, leave the cat alone with the beaker for thirty seconds.

What is the best advice to give to worm?
→ Sleep late!

What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
→ Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!