Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- I hope I'm not poisonous.

- Why?

- Because I bit my lip!

Why did the firefly keep stealing things?
→ He was light fingered!

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?
→ In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

What's the difference between a worm and an apple?
→ Have you ever tried worm pie?

What is red and dangerous?
→ Strawberry and tarantula jelly!

What is a mouse's favorite game?
→ Hide and squeak!

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?
→ So they push back harder.

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?
→ I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.

They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.

There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks:

- Are you hurt?

- Of course I'm hurt, he hasn't called! He hasn't written! - she replies.