Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Hunter Shot to Death By a Fox, Belgrade, Associated Press

A fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the official Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.

Salih Hajdur, a farmer from the village of Gornje Hrasno in the Republic of Bosnia-Hercegovina, went to a nearby forest Sunday to shoot a fox, Tanjug said.

Hajdur wounded a fox in the leg, the agency said, but to spare the skin he did not fire again. Instead, he hit the animal with his refle butt. The struggling animal triggered a shot that hit Hajdur in the chest and killed him instantly, Tanjug said. The fox died later, Tanjug added.

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?
→ Stop playing it cagey!

What is a cow's favorite TV show?
→ Dr Moo!

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
→ Because someone had trodden on his corn!

What would happen if bulls could fly?
→ You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!

What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?
→ A sheep that's under the weather!

Why do cows like being told jokes?
→ Because they like being amoosed!

What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?
→ A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?
→ A groundhog!

How do you take a pig to hospital?
→ By hambulance!

What do you call a joke book for chickens?
→ A yolk book!

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.

I've never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

How do you hire an elephant?
→ Stand it on four bricks!

What is the easy way to get a wild elephant?
→ Get a tame one and annoy it!

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
→ Here come the elephants!

Why is an elephant braver than a hen?
→ Because the elephant isn't chicken!

What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
→ Raining elephants!

How are elephants and hippopotanuses alike?
→ Neither can play basketball!

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?
→ Take away it's credit cards!

What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed?
→ Out of the way!

How do you raise a baby elephant?
→ With a fork lift truck!

What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
→ On television!

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?
→ A bull smiles when you milk it.

What is the maggot army called?
→ The Apple Corps!

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm."

"No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?"

Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy."

Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!"