Random joke from this category
and the Number One New Year Resolution for Cookie is...
How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?
→ It has a rattle.
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?
→ He has cat-arrh!
What is cleverer than a talking cat?
→ A spelling bee!
How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
→ They never cry over spilt milk!
What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla?
→ An animal that puts you out a night!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
→ A stripey jumper!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
→ A sourpuss!
How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
→ They both wear stripes!
Where do you take sick ponies?
→ To the horsepital!
What do you say if you see a flying pig?
→ 'I see bacon's going up'!
Who tells chicken jokes?
→ Comedihens!
What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
→ A swine gut!
Why did the chicken cross the road at the fairground?
→ To get to the other side!
What did the lovesick bull say to the cow?
→ 'When I fall in love it will be for heifer'!
Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air?
→ Because eggs were going up!
What do you call a sheep with no legs or head?
→ A cloud!
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
→ An egg-splosion!
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."
"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one.
"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.
"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and they fuck you everytime!"
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Baby Owl.
- Baby Owl who?
- Baby Owl see you later, baby not.
How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?
→ Pick him up and start sucking his dick.
Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
→ Because of all the cheetahs!
What do you call a elephant that never washes?
→ A smellyphant!
- Teacher: Where would you find an elephant?
- Pupil: You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!
What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
→ Anything you want as he can't hear you!
- Teacher: To which family does the elephant belong?
- Pupil: I don't know, nobody I know owns one!
How do you spell elephant?
- E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t
- That's not how the dictionary spells it
- You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!
- Teacher: Name six wild animals
- Pupil: Four elephants and two lions!
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
→ Annette!
- Bill: My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant.
- Bert: Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder..
Why do elephants do well in school?
→ Because they have a lot of grey matter!
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
→ Professional courtesy.
