Most viewed jokes

A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said:

- Dude, thank goodness you showed up!

- I'm starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch.

The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said:

- Dude, don't ask any questions, just sell it to em.

The friend said:

- Ok.

So the guy left.

A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said:

- I want a vibrator. What do you have?

The friend said:

- We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones.

The lady said:

- I'll take a little red one to carry in my bag.

He sold it to her.

Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said:

- I would like a vibrator, what do you have?

The friend replied:

- Red, black or white, large, medium or small.

The woman asked:

- Well, what about the red, white and black checkered one up there?

The friend said:

- Well, I'll sell it to ya if you want.

So she bought it.

A few minutes later the guy came back from lunch and said:

- Thanks Dude, you're a life saver.

- So did you sell anything?

The friend said:

- Yeah, I sold a little red vibrator and a thermos.

A blond at a party was telling her friend thatshe was off men for life:

- They lie, they cheatand they're just no good. From now on when I wantsex, I'm going to use my vibrator

- So, what when the batteries run out? - asked her friend

- I'll just fake an orgasm like always.

One April Fools Day, when I was about 15 or 16, I told my mom I was pregnant. It was really funny to see her reaction, but I got in major trouble when I told her I was joking. Some people just don't appreciate a good joke...

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote:

- Woman, without her man, is a savage.

The women wrote:

- Woman: Without her, man is a savage.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
→ A pool table.

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him, because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on, and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man:

- Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at, eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?

- Well, yeah - the old man answered. Once I got so drunk that I screwed a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says:

- I will grant each of you three wishes.

The bear says:

- I wish all the bears in the forest were females. poof It's done.

The rabbit says:

- I wish for a motorcycle. poof It's done.

The bear says:

- I wish all the bears in this country were females. poof It's done.

The rabbit says:

- I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house. poof It's done.

The bear is thinking to himself:

- why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well.

- And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female. poof It's done.

The rabbit says:

- For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay.

And he rides off on his motorcycle.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
→ He was looking for Pooh!

What's black and white and comes in little cans?
→ Michael Jackson