A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
- I was only going 40! - the driver protested.
- Not according to my radar - the trooper said.
- Yes, I was! - the man shouted back.
- No you weren't! - the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said:
- Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking.
This guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks:
- How much are your parrots?
The salesman answers:
- The first one is $1,000.
- What does he know?
- He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions.
- How about the second one?
- The second parrot costs $5,000.
- What does he know?
- He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs.
- Then what is the price for the third one? - the buyer is wondering.
- This one costs $20,000.
- Really?! - wonders the excited buyer.
- What does he know?
- This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'THEIR BOSS.'
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.
The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said:
- You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!
- So, how did you break YOUR leg??
- Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
- You should cut down on drinks.
- I don't touch a drop.
- You should cut down on smoking.
- I don't smoke.
- You should stop taking drugs.
- I don't do drugs.
- You should cut down on womanizing.
- Haven't touched a woman in my life.
- In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends!
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up.
The pharmacist said:
- What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am.
She said:
- I'm not sure, they're for my Camels, at which point he fainted.
How could Will Rogers say:
- I never met a man I didn't like?
→ He never had to date one.
What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?
→ Touchback.
Have some fun on your next shopping trip, try these...
How does a cheerleader answer the phone?
→ H-E-L-L-O!
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
→ Cornflakes!
