Most viewed jokes

A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."

- Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?

- I never make rash promises!

What's another name for pickled bread?
→ Dill-dough.

A blonde and a brunette were talking. The brunette complained, "Everytime my boyfriend brings home flowers, I have to to spend the weekend with my legs in the air." The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"

A man goes to the doctor and says:

- Doc, you have to help me!

The doctor asks:

- What's your problem?

The guy says:

- Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'...give the wife a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boning. For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing.

- Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the wife another screw.......

- So...???? - asked the doctor.

- What's your problem???

The guy says:

- Well, it hurts when I masturbate!

A man walked into an appliance store and asked the price of a 25" remote controlled color television set.

- One dollar - the clerk replied.

- You've got to be kidding.

- Look, Mac - the clerk said - do you want it or not?

Of course, the customer gave him a dollar. On the way out with his incredible bargain, the suctomer saw a big frost-free refrigerator with automatic ice maker.

- How much for that? - he asked the clerk.

- Fifty cents - came the reply.

The customer forked over the half dollar, saying:

- What the heck is going on here?

- Nothing is goining on here - the clerk snapped.

- But my boss is at my house with my wife. And what he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business.

The farmer goes to town one day and happens to run into his old pal the tractor salesman.

- How's business? - asks the farmer.

- Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in months. How are things on the farm? - asked the salesman.

- Well-- The other day I went out to the barn to milk that old cow I have. I started milking and she swatted me with her tail, so I tied her tail to the ceiling. I started milking again and she kicked me with her left leg so I tied that to the left side of the stall. I started milking again and she kicked me with her right leg so I tied that one to the right side of the stall. About that time my wife walked in the barn, and if you can convince her that I was just trying to milk that damn cow, I'll buy a tractor from you!!

- My brother's one of the biggest stickup men in town.

- Gosh is he really?

- Yes, he's a six-foot-six billposter.

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes?
→ Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said:

- All right, who's the other father!?!