An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her.
- Wait a minute, - he said.
- you've written the address upside down.
- I know, - said the little old lady.
- the letter is going to Australia.
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
- Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them, - instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated:
- But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear, - she protested.
- Then, - said the attorney, just whisper them to the judge.
- Knock Knock!
- Who's there?
- Alice!
- Alice who?
- Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me!
Why were the flies playing football in saucer?
→ They where playing for the cup!
At the end of camp, Julie won the prize for neatest trunk. Her mother was amazed.
- How did your trunk get so neat? - she asked her messy daughter.
- It was easy - said Julie.
- I just never unpacked!
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
- Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?
- I was a policeman - he responded.
- What kind of policeman? - St Peter asked.
- I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.
- Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates.
A few moments later a second man walks up.
- Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?
- I was a policeman - he responded.
- What kind of policeman? - St Peter asked.
- I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.
- Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise.
A few moments later a third man walks up.
- Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?
- I was a policeman - he responded.
- What kind of policeman? - St Peter asked.
- I was a Military Policeman, Sir.
- Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?
→ The bear hug!
What gives a gorilla good taste?
→ Four years in an Ivy League school!
What Central American country has the most spooks?
→ Ghosta Rica!
- Have you got any broken biscuits?
- Yes, I have.
- Well, you shouldn't be so clumsy!
