A strained voice called out through the darkened theater:
- Please, is there a doctor in the house?!
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her:
- Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?
What is a monster's favourite drink?
→ Demonade.
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep.
Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful.
- Doc! - Joe says.
- It's amazing! I'm cured!
- That's great news! - the psychoanalyst says.
- you seem to be doing much better. How?
- I went to see another doctor - Joe says enthusiastically.
- and he cured me in just ONE session!
- One?! - the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
- Yeah - continues Joe.
- my new doctor is a behaviorist.
- A behaviorist? - the psychoanalyst asks.
- How did he cure you in one session?
- Oh, easy - says Joe.
- He told me to cut the legs off of my bed.
The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
- Elliot, - she said, pointing - do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?
The husband looked over and nodded.
- Well, - the woman continued, - he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!
The husband returned to his meal.
- Nonsense, - he said, - even that's not worth so much celebrating!
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says:
- I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'
- But why? - asks the man.
- I'm a divorce lawyer - the man replies.
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Carrie
- Carrie who?
- Carrie on camping!
How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him.
→ Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.
What's the best city to search the World Wide Web in?
→ Rome.
Why did the bee started talking poetry?
→ He was waxing lyrical!
Why do barbers make good drivers?
→ Because they know all the short cuts.
