Most viewed jokes

What do you call a ghost at midnight?
→ A sheet in the dark!

- First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl.

- Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.

Why did the grape cross the road?
→ To get away from the grapefruit.

The little kid sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain. Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked:

- How many have you caught?

- You're the tenth this morning - was the reply.

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?

By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union?
→ Every man for himself.

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500.

He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking:

- What are you going to do with the money?

- Take jewelry to city and sell it - said the old man.

- What have you got for collateral? - queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

- Don't know of collateral.

- Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?

- Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup.

The banker shook his head:

- How about livestock?

- Yes, I have a horse.

- How old is it?

- I don't know; it has no teeth.

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills:

- Here's the money to pay loan - he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

- What are you going to do with the rest of that money?

- Put it in my pocket.

- Why don't you deposit it in my bank? - he asked.

- I don't know of deposit.

- Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.

The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked:

- What you got for collateral?

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?
→ The tomato was in a can.

What kind of dog does a dracula like?
→ A Bloodhound.

- Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?

- Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.