Most viewed jokes

Who invented the telephone?
→ The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

Why didn't the monster use toothpaste?
→ Because he said his teeth weren't loose.

Why is a toothless dog like a tree?
→ It has more bark than bite.

What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
→ "Thar's gold in them thar fills."

Did you hear about the underwater snooker player?
→ He was a pool shark!

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could.

- God - he prayed:

- I really want a car.

Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.

- God - he prayed again:

- I really NEED a car.

Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.

- Okay, God - he said, getting down onto his knees again:

- if you ever want to see your mother again...

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on.
The the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.
Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this guy, and whispered in his ear:

- I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!

Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

Why did the pig send his story to New York?
→ He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
→ Build a sty-scraper!