Most viewed jokes

1. Silence, the final frontier - Where no woman has gone before.
2. The undiscovered side of Banking - How to make deposits.
3. Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome - You don't need new shoes everyday.
4. Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.
5. Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.
6. An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.
7. Man Management - Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.
8. Personal Space - Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.
9. Valuation - Just because it's not important to you.
10. Communication Skills I - Tears as the last resort and not the first.
11. Communication Skills II - How to think before speaking.
12. What he really wants - Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.
13. Driving a car safely - A skill you can also acquire.
14. Real women drink their share at a party.
15. Telephones - How to hang up.
16. Parking - Beginners Course.
17. Parking (Advanced) - Reversing into a parking space.
18. The Natural Habitat of the Towel - Why they prefer the floor.
19. Managing your weight - It's not water retention, it's fat.
20. Learning to cook I - Bran in not food.
21. Learning to cook II - Bringing back bacon and eggs.
22. Compliments - How to accept them gracefully.
23. PMS - Your problem, not his.

After Christmas break, the teacher asked her small pupils how they spent their holidays.

One small boy's reply went like this:

We always spent Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarted and they moved to Arizona.

They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall. But if it was wrecked, it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand in the water with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks there. They all go to fastfood restaurants.

As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don't know who they are.

My Grandma said Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won't let them out.

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied:

- Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.

On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone:

- Get me a coffee, quickly!

The voice from the other side responded:

- You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?

- No - replied the trainee.

- It's the CEO of the company, you fool!

The trainee shouts back:

- And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!

- No - replied the CEO indignantly.

- Good! - replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?

Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.

- The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton

- The Amish Phone Directory

- Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette

- George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names

- French Hospitality

- Everything Women Know About Men

- Everything Men Know About Women

- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches

- Different Ways To Spell Bob

- Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors

- America's Most Popular Lawyers

- Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean

- The Wild Years-By Al Gore

- Things I Would Not Do For Money-By Dennis Rodman

- Human Rights Advances In China

- To All The Men I've Loved Before-By Ellen Degeneres

- The Engineer's Guide To Fashion

- My Plan To Find The Real Killers-By O. J. Simpson

- How To Land A Plane At Martha's Vineyard - By Jfk, Jr

- Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

- Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

- Signs are required to be written in English.

- You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.

- No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

- It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

- All citizens must own a rake.

- Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

- One man may not be on another man's back.

- Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday.

- It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday.

- Chicken must be eaten with the hands.

- It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy".

- Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.

- Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

- No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.

- Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.

- It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

- Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.

- All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.

- Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird. (SEC. 10-1.2)

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says:

- You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbequed 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.

The second cannibal asks:

- What kind of missionary do you use?

The other replied:

- You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.

- Ah ha! - he replies.

- No wonder.. those are friars!

Why did the man put a clock under his desk?
→ He wanted to work overtime.