Clean Jokes — most commented jokes

What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
→ A catastrophe!

Who was the most powerful cat in China?
→ Chairman Miaow!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
→ A cat-a-logue!

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
→ An octopuss!

Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
→ Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

When the cat's away.....?
→ The house smells better!

Why was the cat so small?
→ Because it only ate condensed milk!

Why did the cat cross the road?
→ It was the chicken's day off!

What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
→ He felt funny!

What's striped and bouncy?
→ A tiger on a pogo stick!

What is the cat's favorite TV show?
→ The evening mews!

How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
→ Smack a lion!

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
→ Hailing taxi cabs!

How is cat food sold?
→ Usually purr can!

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?
→ A tiger moth!

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
→ 'Let us prey.'

What looks like half a cat?
→ The other half!

What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
→ 'Claws.'

If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
→ A stri-ped!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
→ 'Pleased to eat you.'!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
→ Frostbite!

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
→ 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

What is lion's favorite food?
→ Baked beings!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!

How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
→ She's got that down in the mouth look!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?
→ A peeping tom!

Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?
→ Because he has sandy claws!

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
→ 'Pleased to eat you.'!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
→ Frostbite!

What is a French cat's favorite pudding?
→ Chocolate mousse!

How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?
→ He has cat-arrh!

What is cleverer than a talking cat?
→ A spelling bee!

How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
→ They never cry over spilt milk!

What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla?
→ An animal that puts you out a night!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
→ A stripey jumper!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
→ A sourpuss!

How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
→ They both wear stripes!

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
→ A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What do you call a very rude bird?
→ A mockingbird!

Where do birds meet for coffee?
→ In a nest-cafe!

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
→ With it's sparrowchute!

What is green and pecks on trees?
→ Woody Wood Pickle!

What happened when the owl lost his voice?
→ He didn't give a hoot!

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
→ A Macaw!

What do you call a bird that lives underground?
→ A mynah bird!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
→ A great walkie-talkie!

What do owls sing when it is raining?
→ 'Too wet to woo'!

What do baby swans dance to?
→ Cygnet-ure-tunes!

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
→ Birds of prey!

What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
→ Tweetie Pie!

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
→ Jail-birds!

How do you get a cut-price parrot?
→ Plant bird seed!

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
→ Because they're both full of stuffing!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
→ Fowl play!

What happens when ducks fly upside down?
→ They quack up!

How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?
→ Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!

Which birds steal soap from the bath?
→ Robber ducks!

What kind of bird opens doors?
→ A kiwi!

What language do birds speak?
→ Pigeon English!

How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
→ Send him to polytechnic!

Where do birds invest their money?
→ In the stork market!

Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
→ The Birds Eye counter!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
→ A bird that talks in morse code!

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
→ A headbanger!

What do parrots eat?
→ Polyfilla!

What do you give a sick bird?
→ Tweetment!

What bird tastes just like butter?
→ A stork!

What's another name for a clever duck?
→ A wise quacker!

Which bird is always out of breath?
→ A puffin!

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?
→ Three swallows!

What is a duck's favorite TV show?
→ The feather forecast!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
→ A bird that will talk you ear off!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
→ A box of quackers!

Why did the owl, owl?
→ Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

What is a polygon?
→ A dead parrot!

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
→ The parrots of Penzance!

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
→ A firequaker!

What is a parrot's favorite game?
→ Hide and Speak!

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
→ Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
→ 'The pheasants are revolting'!

What is the definition of Robin?
→ A bird who steals!

When is the best time to buy budgies?
→ When they're going cheap!