Women Jokes — best jokes

How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?
→ Marry her!

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting.

"My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure." she lamented to the woman next to her.

"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that?"

"He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.

- Guy: Why are girls so pretty?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls soft?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls so dumb?

- God: So they'll like you.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens.

"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"

"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top!"

Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet, sensitive men in this world?
→ Because they already have boyfriends!

"We'd like a room, please," the bloke said, nodding toward his misses. "We were married this morning."

"Congratulations," the desk clerk said, "how about the bridal?"

"No thanks, just a room. I'll hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."