Women Jokes — best jokes

WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN HERE!

(you have to bring your own)

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?
→ Her knickers fit her like a glove!

When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget?
→ When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells.

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book."

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."

To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment!"

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . ."

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

God made a man and then rested. God made a woman and then no one rested

What should you say if he asks you "Am I your first"?
→ "You might be - you look familiar"

I'll never forget the first time I saw my husband, He was standing on a hill, his hair blowing in the breeze, and he too proud to run after it.

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?" the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."