Religion — best jokes

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"

The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"

The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."

The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."

The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"

"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.

By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention .... "

'I'm very sad to announce this morning, girls, that Miss Jones has decided to retire,' said the principal at morning assembly. 'Now we will all stand and sing this morning's hymn....now Thank We All Our God.'

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
→ He had his first taste of Christianity!

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
→ He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

What do cannibals say when they say grace?
→ ''We thank you, Lord, for our daily dead!''

Was the principal's brother really a missionary?
→ He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!

- Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a missionary and I feel sick!

- Mom: Well, you know what they say - you can't keep a good man down!

The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.

"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."

Old English Churches by Beverley Minster