Religion — best jokes

There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.

Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit.

The priest said, "Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for these courageous souls."

The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send them to a friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works wonders."

The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at night?"

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.

"There is a blind man to see you," she says.

"Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?"

What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
→ Angel food cake, of course!

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
→ Birds of prey!

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?
→ A pecking order.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say:
"Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot:
"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.
"What's wrong?" asked his mother.
"Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed.
"In a way they do," said his mother.
"And when they die so they turn back to dust?"
"Yes, they do."
The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going."

- Mum, does God use the bathroom?

- No, what a funny question!

- Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?'

- Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?

- Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel, wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Joan of Arc Barbie ...comes with stake, kindling, and matches