Random joke from this category
"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?"
- My motto is let bygones be bygones.
- That's good. Why did you choose that?
- Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?"
Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?"
When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"
You can't argue with that!
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Arvil was coming out of the Texas University student building when he was stopped by two coeds.
"Would you like to become a Jehovah's Witness?" asked one of the girls.
"No, I really couldn't. I didn't see the accident."
What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble?
→ Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.
Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist?
→ Because it hasn't got a prayer.
It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done."
He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in.
"Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!"
But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?"
And this is where we get the tradition of placing an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
→ It's Christmas, Eve!
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.
"What's the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny replied: "that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home...
I just want her to stay with you guys."
A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.
"I always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.
"I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us."
"Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God," the five year old interrupted. "I was talking about the COAST God."
