Relationships — best jokes

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. He immediately began paying her court and flattering her. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when, after 30 minutes, he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she reacted.
"We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man replied. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."

Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Bill says.

"Thought?" Steve asks. "What do you mean?"

"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Bill says.

"Wasn't that love?" Steve asks.

"No, that was obsession," Bill explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

"Wasn't that love?" asks Steve.

"No, that was lust," Bill replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."

"Well, wasn't that love," asks Steve.

"No. That was motion sickness!" Bill replies.

After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather prematurely balding man a young woman wants to lighten the mood and says, "Honey, God was good to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another one."

Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
→ Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!

This girl wanted to marry a ghost. I can't think what possessed her.

- First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl.

- Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.

- Say something soft and sweet to me.

- Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...

In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man's mouth.

What do romantic fish sing to each other?
→ Salmon-chanted evening!