Political Jokes — best jokes

What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
→ I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, "I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Bill.

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Clinton.

The driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig."

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir".
The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, sir."

What is the definition of Death?
→ When you stop paying taxes suddenly.

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch.

A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas.
It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today."

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."

What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy?
→ If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you're happy.

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze.

When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz.

They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes.

Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."
Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"