Ouch — best jokes

- First ghoul: You don't look too well today.

- Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

What do you find in a zombie's veins?
→ Dead blood corpuscles.

What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
→ Dead sails in the sunset.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?
→ Pete.

What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies?
→ A dead cat.

What is the difference between a musician and a dead body?
→ One composes and the other decomposes.

What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells?
→ A dead centipede.

These two friends are about to go to a club.
One of them has a wooden eye. He said "If someone says something about my eye, i'm gonna snap." They get there, and he asks a girl to dance. She says, "Would I?"

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?"

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?"

"Ya, that vill be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?"

The German replies, "Vhy, ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"

A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,

Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, Hi my name is John Smith.

The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown.

The geek passes out.

The big guy fans him and brings him too.

Why did you pass out he asked?

The geek replies, what did you say your name was?

Turner Brown he replies.

Oh God the geek says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".